Author Guest Post: “Friendship in Schools” by Arleen McCarthy, Author of My Friend John

“Friendship in Schools”

When we think of the word “friend,” we think of so many different people. We think of friends we grew up with, friends we went to college with, friends we know through our children, and friends we work with. But are they all really “friends?”

When I was younger, I would use this word a lot, but the older I get, the more selective I am with it. I think life teaches you that. 

But what if we learned what a friend is early on? What if we learned this valuable definition in elementary school? Would we be different as adults? Would our world be better?

I believe the answer is yes. We may not have a lot of friends, but I bet we would have good ones.

In my book, MY FRIEND JOHN, I wanted to easily convey to young readers that friends make you feel good. Friends make you feel safe. There are no judgments with friends, no whispers of envy, no passive aggressive comments–just advice, listening, acceptance, laughter, warm hugs, and a lot of love. This is what I know for sure, and this is so valuable to know as a child.

But how often have children and adults been hurt by their friends? If we, as humans “felt” our way through friendships, our friend list might decrease but the value of it would increase and we’d be much happier in the long-run.

In MY FRIEND JOHN, a young boy named John, who has Tourette Syndrome, starts at a new school. As he faces bullying, his new friend, Emma, stands up for him and educates herself and others on neurodiversity. 

When I think of Bella, I think about the kind of person she is: She did not judge her new classmate. Instead, she embraced a new student because she was kind, and even though he appeared very different from her, she wanted to be his friend. 

This was exactly what John needed. This is what we all need in life, especially children and especially children with disabilities. If more children were like Bella, our world would be a better place. John’s experience at his new school would not have been as pleasant if Bella had not taken the time to stand up for him. But the transformative power of human connection causes us to feel empowered and resilient.

How many times as an adult have you heard someone make fun of someone else? How many times have you seen people leave mean comments on social media posts? How many times have you heard gossiping? Why is this acceptable behavior? Where did we learn this from?

Life can be so hard at times, and we all need genuine friends to get us through it. I believe if children realize the true meaning of friendship and its connection to kindness, they would be able to make better choices.

When I think of my own experiences as a child and the moments I felt left out, it felt awful. I remember one time while I was in high school, I was walking home from the bus stop with a friend. I asked her if she wanted to do something that night as it was a Friday. She said she had already made plans with another friend, and they were going to a party. Why didn’t she just invite me? I never understood it. I remember feeling so sad. It felt terrible not to be included. 

And yet, Monday morning, I continued to be her friend.

Why do children and adults accept this behavior from their “friends?”

We all need human connection. We all need love. And we need to have this message conveyed to children, so they have the knowledge and understanding to make better choices when it comes to choosing friends. 

I feel this is especially important for our children with disabilities. We need more people to see past a disability. We need more people embracing diversity. We need more people like Bella.

Life is hard even without a disability…imagine living with one…imagine being a child living with one. 

But now just imagine being at a party where there were people with and without disabilities. Everyone is laughing and everyone is having fun. Everyone feels safe and everyone feels happy. Everyone is included.

I want to be at that kind of party.

What is a friend? A friend is someone who makes you feel good. A friend is someone who makes you feel safe.

Published November 8th, 2024 by Austin Macauley Publishers

About the Book: Meet John, a remarkable new student at The Huckleberry School. John’s life takes a heartwarming turn when he befriends a sweet little girl named Bella. Everything seems to be going smoothly for him, until a challenging situation resurfaces, shaking the foundations of his world. 

In My Friend John, we are invited to witness a touching journey which explores not only the essence of friendship but also the profound qualities of kindness and leadership. This poignant tale serves as a powerful reminder of the resilience within us all and the transformative power of genuine connection.

About the Author: Arleen McCarthy teaches at a public school in New York City and has always been passionate about making the world a better place. She grew up with two brothers with special needs and saw first-hand the struggles they endured while they were in school. Arleen, her husband, and their dog live in New York and divide their time between Manhattan and Westchester.

Thank you, Arleen, for this look and lesson about friendships in schools!